For some years now, Val and I have taken our annual holidays in May and September: it’s out of season, can coincide with Val’s birthday, and ensures Val is home during the growing season in her beloved garden. This year, 2022, we planned to do the same. We arranged a holiday in Dorset, starting Monday May 9th, and planned to arrange our September holiday in Wales, or perhaps Cornwall, but our plans had to change when an appointment arrived for Val’s long awaited knee replacement. It was to take place on 6th May – a belated birthday present perhaps.
The operation went well, and we were optimistic that Val’s mobility would be much improved for our September holiday. A visit to see the consultant on 21st June confirmed Val’s good progress, and with the aid of a walking stick Val was soon able to shop in Cambridge. Great. But things were not as they seemed, a few weeks later Val had the first of a series of three falls, all at weekends. On a visit to the surgery on 21 July, our GP proposed additional tablets and physio. I didn’t believe that was a solution, and another fall followed.
On Sunday July 31st, Val had a blood test, the results came in on Monday 1st August, and indicated an infection somewhere. I was told to get Val to hospital for assessment. At 1:30 we arrived at Addenbrooke’s. She was admitted.
On Tuesday, 2nd August, a CT scan detected an unidentified mass in her brain.
On Wednesday, 3rd August, a whole-body CT scan showed no primary cancer present - nothing that could be responsible for the mass in her brain. Good news.
On Monday, 8th August, an MRI scan confirmed the mass was in fact a cancerous tumour.
On Thursday 11th August a multidisciplinary team met to discuss Val’s options, and that afternoon we had a meeting with the neurosurgeon. The tumour is a primary cancer, not operable, nothing can be done. Val has 3 to 12 weeks. She would be fast tracked, and everything put in place for her to come home.
I brought Val home on Wednesday 17th August, she had a hospital bed in our lounge, and I had a bed next to her so that I could look after her 24 hours a day. With the help of palliative care nurse Beth, and Sam and her wonderful Hospice at Home team, I looked after Val until she died at 02:38 on Monday 26th September, with me holding her and telling her I love her. The 29th of September would have been the 66th anniversary of our meeting.
Today is the 1st of November, five weeks have passed, and I find it hard to believe Val has gone. We were rarely apart, and I am lost without her. I am so lucky to have had nearly 66 years with her, loving her and being loved by her, but without Val my life is cold and dark, and has no purpose. It is pointless.